Healing a  Relationship

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Characteristics of the inner matriarch.

The overriding characteristics of the inner matriarch is that even when she sets up her house inside a man’s inner village, she remains scornful of men, all men, the way they think and act and feel. Her overriding loyalty is towards women. Typically, an inner matriarch will take the side of another inner matriarch living nearby in another person's inner village, in preference to the male in whose village she has set up her house.

So, she is unlike other Inner Protector characters in the Inner, because she does not seem to be concerned with the well-being of the wounded male inner child in her own village. Nor is she concerned with helping the other male protector characters in the Inner who live there.

In a way it's as though she is carrying within her the resentment of 40,000 years of male domination. Typically her attitude is one of justifiable resentment against all men including even the most vulnerable inner male child.

Punishing the male inner child

To punish a male, any male is her way of avenging this. By itself, the fact that an inner child is a male is sufficient reason to apply pain or punishment. The matriarch also specialises in punishing male inner children in nearby villages. However, as this article explains, her worst punishments are applied the wounded inner child who lives in her own inner village. Perhaps this is because she has a precise knowledge of that individual child, what aspects about him of are the most wounded and therefore the most likely to feel the punishment.

She knows just where to stick her dagger

One of the most easily identifiable characteristics of the Inner Matriarch is the way she knows exactly where the stick her dagger to inflict the greatest pain. She will study the males around her, noticing their weakest points, the things that irritate them the most, what words create the strongest sense of vulnerability in the male. She is an expert at identifying an exiled or disowned character in a male and taking on that same characteristic, something that is guaranteed to cause disharmony in a relationship.

Example: Jill’s new partner Jack is very non-judgemental and proud of it. Jill likes this side of Jack. He is particularly irritated by people who make unfounded judgements about him. Suddenly one day when Jill is in a bad mood she says to Jack “You are so fixed in your ways, I don’t think we are well suited.” Jack is unable to stop himself reacting negatively, in fact the usual reaction is for his inner patriarch to leap in and increase the intensity of the battle by explaining to Jill just how foolish she is to make such an unfounded judgement.

The scene is now set for a full on fight. Jack and Jill think they are fighting but in fact it’s the inner matriarch and patriarch who are running the show. The outcome may well be the destruction of what was shaping as a good relationship.

Keep in mind that one of the core goals of both the inner patriarch and the inner matriarch is the prevent men and women from having close, grown-up, intimate and peaceful relationships.

In this example the relationship is headed for the wrecker’s yard unless Jack and Jill know about their inner patriarchs and inner matriarchs and can step back and notice who has taken over. If both Jack and Jill can just move into self-awareness they will be able to separate themselves from the four toxic battlers and get back to the point where grown-up Jill and Jack are looking after the relationship again.

The inner Matriarch

Site map

See www.growingaware.net  for much more information on the characteristics of these two destructive characters and to learn how to identify them at work inside you.

This is such a significant  problem in many relationships that I have now devoted an entire website  to  the Inner matriarch and inner Patriarch problem

Rather than repeat these pages on this site can I ask you to go to my main website


I think you will be amazed at what you will discover